Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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