Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
