as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
