1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
