You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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