You're so nebulous sometimes
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
