You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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