i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
