I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I cut my penus on the lid.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
