she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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