It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
