Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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