when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
