I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
