i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize