Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
