I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
