the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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