office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
