we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
