I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
