she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
