He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
