Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
