hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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