so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
