I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
