If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
