Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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