there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
