dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
