this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
