woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
