I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
