bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
