ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You pole danced in your parka.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
