just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
