I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
