and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
