Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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