Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
