kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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