I think scott just propositioned me for sex
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
