Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
