apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
