After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
