the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
