he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
