woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
this hospital has no fireball
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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