Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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